a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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