He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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