I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
