Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
