I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
