At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
