Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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