Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
