dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
