dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
and she was petting her beer can
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
