Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
