new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
