That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
there's paper in my vomit.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
