omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
