I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
