how hairy? two words: wookie tits
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
