Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So squirting runs in the family.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
