Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
