My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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