I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
