Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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