But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
