i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
