I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
