too bad you live with your parents still
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
