I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will be naked everywhere
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need water and some morals
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
