idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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