Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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