did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
