imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
