So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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