We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
