I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
