This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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