this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
