At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
