her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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