I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
