every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
