bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
