six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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