theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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