there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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