I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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