Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
