my phone needs a breathalizer
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I love having hate sex.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
