Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
