Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
