man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
