There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
