false alarm. still invincible.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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