roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
